lemme follow up from the post below.

As another blogger likes to say (type), a penny dropped when I heard someone say to that guy I referred to below “Guys like you are hard to find these days.” Now, I have nothing against someone talking about how they just saved a cat from a tree, but this comment really rubbed me the wrong way.

That statement is an injustice to the people silently giving a helping hand every single day, many of them dedicating all their resources for the benefit of mankind, dogs, trees, and the planet. You don’t realize that he isn’t the only one picking up a beggar off the street. I’m not arrogant enough to boast about my own charitable adventures unless it’s a picture or two, but I know people who spend 4 hours of their day driving around feeding strays and sending lost kittens to vets to be vaccinated. I know people who spent a day making sandwiches and packed pasta, and spent the rest of the next day giving them out to homeless people on the streets on Manchester. 

You’re not looking, lady. People like these are everywhere. It’s an absolute insult to these people among us. But they’re not going to care. They don’t mind not taking credit for it, because they follow the verse below, regardless of their faith. They’re going to tell me not to rant about this, cause they’re okay with it. And that’s even more respectable of them.

I’m just really annoyed, that’s all. Rant done.

Matthew 6:1-8 (NIV)

Giving to the Needy:

“[But] take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise you will have no heavenly recompense from your heavenly Father. When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the praise of others. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that almsgiving may be secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.

When you pray, do not be like hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you. In praying, do not babble like the pagans, who think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them. Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”

two years to go

For those who are lost, there will always be cities that feel
like home. -Simon Van Booy

I headed to class grudgingly. Grudgingly, because it was only one hour, and it’s a minimum 15 minute travel time there just for an hour. I did it anyway, cause I’m a good boy. Turned up there early (very un-Malaysian of me), waiting til twenty minutes after class was supposed to begin, guy turns up and says it’s cancelled. In a fit of frustration and annoyance, I stomped (lightly) out of the building.

Since I was in the area, I stopped by to get some necessities (like toothpaste, body soap and clean stuff like that), and accidentally found myself close to the city. Since one of my subjects involved reading a book and writing a review on it during the final exam, I decided to stop by a café in the city to read it.

Did I mention how lovely the weather was? It touched 20 degrees celsius at one point. I walked around in a shirt without a jacket, which was lovely. Manchester was out in the open today, with everyone gathering on the grass for picnics, and kids playing at the mini-fountains above. That guy in a grey suit’s a dad btw. Super suave. I wanna be a dad like him someday, walking in the fountains without getting wet, like he’s Jesus or something.

There was also a market, selling cupcakes, to Italian food, to Chinese, to little handcrafted wooden ducks (I got one a month ago at this same market).

Liked this guy’s sense of fashion, and I complimented him enough to snag a sweet pic of him too.

Took tons of photos, sort of like the Sheffield post below, cause the city was so lively!

I love taking pictures of people. They decorate themselves in different clothes, different hairstyles, expressions. Always fresh. Although taking them requires a certain level of creepiness and stealth.

Finally reached the café. It’s one I haven’t tried yet, called Aubaine on the 2nd floor of Selfridges & Co.

The coffee’s as important as the environment, at least for me. They had some pleasant music playing, friendly British waiters, great coffee, and a view of the city from a level. Sat there for about an hour or two, ordered two coffees.

 My second cup. Finally doing what my mom always told me to, drinking it without sugar. A little disappointed in myself that I put sugar in my coffee back in those Italy days.

I’m getting really worried about my exams. I want to work hard on this and go back home without any regrets. And I will. It feels a little bit lonely sometimes, and I wish I could have like, a girlfriend, that I can annoy every time studying gets the best of me. But no, not yet. Regardless, I’ve got a month left to wrap this up.

This little city adventure’s been a great break. Time to press on.

sheffie for a day

So it was my third time to Sheffield (it’s only slightly under an hour away), but I’ve never actually gotten to explore the place alone, or with just a friend or two.

When I’m alone, I become more daring.
I become invincible. I become something else.

Not in a scary way…
But I get to choose a mode, a characteristic of my own, not someone else.
But one I’d never get to show in the comfort of my circle of friends. -Zach Siow

This time round, however, I had gone to support a couple of friends for a production they made (one architecture student buddy of mine made life-sized cars. Easier than it sounds). In the name of cheap train tickets, I arrived at Sheffield at 12.30pm, 7 hours before the show. If you didn’t know, I absolutely hate waiting. But hey, I’m Asian. The evening ticket was an extra 7 pounds. I’m not complaining.

Most of the friends were busy with the production itself, so I left on an epic quest to relieve my boredom.

Turns out Sheffield’s a really pretty town. It’s not small enough to be a bore within a day living here, and not big enough to be a chaotic mess called London. My kind of town.

Like all places I go to, I immediately set my nose on high alert, hunting for the scent of good, good coffee. It’s sort of a personal agenda of mine, to look for concept cafés in every place I visit. And one such café caught my ey- nose.

A cosy, little thing wedged uncomfortably between two Chinese restaurants, it looked awkwardly out of place. But the interior was pleasant, just the way I liked my cafés.

It had an almost kopitiam feel, actually. Think it’s the cluttered mess of wooden furniture, and the grills on the windows at the back. A fusion of kopitiam with contemporary. Like it. But it was unfortunately crowded. A little noisy.

Ordered a latté as usual. And just sat back and watched the world go by. Nah, actually I didn’t. I read a copy of Esquire magazine someone left at Manchester’s rail station. #asian

“50 Things No Man Should Be Without This Spring” according to Esquire. I barely have 10 of them.

This one caught my eye. Anyone wanna go on a lunch date with me? *sees no hands and hastily continues blogging*

The refreshing break got my legs feeling restless. With Mayer’s Born & Raised album in my earphones, I jumpstarted my walk around the little town. Let the pictures flow!

Retro.

Weather was warm, and this restaurant opened all its doors. Gave it a really nice beach club feel.

No shit. But really, it’s a pretty cool tee.

Town hall, I think. Care to correct me?

Group of people in costumes. Think it’s got something to do with a memorial according to Brenda.

People around town.

Shadow; old van; nice lamp; nice patch of grass.

Was standing there the whole time I was around. Wonder what he’s thinking.

 There was so much more to see, but I was running low on phone battery. The mind’s still the best place to keep the pictures, though, so I’m content. Just disappointed I didn’t get to share Sheffield with you readers.

 And you have this letter
You probably got excited, but there’s nothing else inside it
Didn’t have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world through both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it when I’m
In the mood to lose my way with words. – 3×5, John Mayer

‘

For those of you who were curious, the production went well. Proud of my friends. It’s only their second time doing it, so it’s quite a feat.

And that pretty much concludes my post. Gotta love travelling and seeing things. Was a great trip. Besides the fever, and the message that a friend passed away. *cynical grin* Thanks for hearing(reading?) me out. Will update when I feel like it. As promised, more eye candy (pictures) in this post. Will try to post with photos, don’t worry, I prefer it that way too.

Cheers, guys. Signing out.

the finality of it all

The first half of 2013 has been a pretty big shift in focus for me. This is a semi rant, semi muse about what’s been happening lately.

To start off on a happy note, I really miss my parents. Not saying I’ve never given a flying flip for them before, but I’ve never appreciated them as much as I should have. Mom in particular. And that trip to New York? Man, it’s been our best family holiday yet. No stupid angsty child trying to be cool. God, I’d love to drive a fist into 13 year old Nick. And I really can’t wait to see you guys back in Malaysia. A little over a month away!

In reference to New York, I’ve talked about my thoughts when I was at the 9/11 memorial in that post right below this one. Right there. And that kinda brings me to the next part of this three-parted post.

I just lost a friend in a hiking accident. I still have yet to find out what happened to him, how it happened, but honestly, it doesn’t matter. He left, abruptly. Midway through a game of frisbee, and feeling really frisky and good after not playing it for half a decade, I received a post from a mutual friend. She was even closer to him than I was.

I went through a series of emotions, consecutively; confusion at the post, and not able to grasp the fact he had gone. Numbness, and unsure of what to feel. Letting it sink in, and feeling that sadness wash over. And then annoyance.

Over the course of my almost-twenty years of life, I’ve experienced so many untimely deaths. Too many. Suicides. Accidents. Cancer. A lecturer, so passionate and strong-willed, so inspirational, with an infectious positivity. A teacher, gentle, kind, that teacher that made us look forward to his classes. A kid, with a head full of dreams, looking forward to going home and having his favourite home-cooked dishes. A young man, who loved adventure, and danger, and people. Who helped me help others.

And it frustrated me that they had to leave, so early before their time, and so unexpectedly. They had decades ahead of them. So many stories lost. A woman he might have met at his favourite cafe one fateful evening. He might’ve asked her about the book she was reading. Talked for hours about it, and exchanged numbers. Tell his best mates about it, and grinning as he approaches her door for their first date. Slip a ring onto her finger after whispering two short, infinite words. Thrown his kid up in the air and swinging him around happily. Holding his wife’s aged, wrinkled hands as they go through a dusty album of their decades past.

But he didn’t.

And it’s so stupid. I just don’t know. It just comes up to one big question. What did they do?

Again, for the third time in all my blogs, I come face to face with the finiteness of life. Sure, it makes me appreciate mine, and the lives of those I hold dear, but really, is the life of some undeserving child worth such a lesson?

You’ll be missed, Jared. 

And from the subject of lives, we move on to the last part of this post. This one’s going to be waaaaaay more relatable and comfortable for you guys to read.

I’ve met, and gotten closer to a few people lately. A couple of friends, a couple of crushes. And they’ve all been affecting me in some way.

Two such people, one after another, showed me that I still bore some pieces of my past along with me. I didn’t get out of the last relationship without a permanent butthurt. Honestly, I don’t know if it’s a good thing, or not. *scratches head*

But I’ve become rather unsure of myself. To be specific, my feelings. The line that defined ‘love’ to me’s kinda been rubbed raw, and I can’t remember where it was. I’m as afraid of hurting someone else as I am myself. Scared to death that I’ll end up using her unintentionally, and just making the both of us feel like shit.

Sooooo… being on the fence like this hasn’t been really good for me lately. I awkwardly balance myself between being casual and pant-wetting-nervously excited at the thought of striking conversation with said girl. And it really doesn’t feel appealing at all.

I just reread the post, and I realized how more casual and childish my writing gets when I come to this point of the post…

It’s a serious matter, though. This inability to put my finger on how I feel for someone. Although I concluded I’m going to have to get to know her better to know for sure. And that’s what I’m gonna do for now!

And so with this, I ask my first ever question on this blog to you readers!

It’s really an advice question: How do you get over that doubt about getting into a relationship?

Of course, we’re talking about this while assuming I AM going to get into a relationship. I’m not so full of myself as to think I’d get a girl so easily. Heh. *laughs, then smiles sadly, and leaves the computer to get a tissue*

 

Thanks for reading, guys. The next post’s gonna be about my Sheffield trip. Had some time (a lot of time) to explore the small town, and I took so so many pictures. Stay tuned, or I’ll fist-up you with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Cheers!

reflection in memories

In these days, with the world getting colder,
She spends more time sleeping over,
Than I planned.

Tonight we’re gonna order in,
Drinking wine and watchin’ CNN.
It’s dark I know, but then again
It’s the brightest thing I got,

When I’m covered in rain. -John Mayer

*I kinda think it’d add to the ambience if you listened to Covered In Rain by John Mayer while reading this, since the song’s about post-9/11. Just a suggestion!*

I visited Ground Zero today, a couple hours ago. I never Googled it before, or saw any pictures of the 9/11 memorial before. What I had in mind was a pile of rubble, untouched remains of the attack, left for all to see. I expected only a few tourists and some locals who came to pay their respects, and that most of the people avoided that place, and avoided the memory of their loved ones who left that day.

So it came to my surprise when I saw a wide expanse of trees and stone tiles. There were stone benches, and it was rubble-free. Quite the opposite, really. It was extremely well-kept. Like everyone’s favourite park. There were two signs, each saying “South Pool” and “North Pool” respectively.

Basically they had cleared out the two empty holes left by the two towers, and renovated it, creating two beautiful pools, of waterfalls, water flowing into two chasms of black marble, the pools surrounded by a barrier of marble. And on the marble, names of the people who died on September 11th were engraved.

Like everyone, I approached one of the pools. And like everyone, I drifted my fingers along the grooves of the engraved names. There were so many. 2996 to be exact.

Who are you, Thomas? Who were you, who are you, who were you going to be? Did you have a family, fear stricken, praying to God for your safe return after hearing the news, watching the television anxiously for the slightest glimpse of hope? Do they come here to visit you, and touch the stone your name’s engraved on like I was doing just recently? What were you thinking on that day? He was alive, as alive as the rest of us. And in a day, three thousand lives disappeared. There wasn’t a chance to say goodbye, or anything of the sort.

All humans of all races united in one tragedy, each having had a loss of their own. A tragedy that transcended borders. In that moment, everyone was human.

They might’ve been happily married. Or two siblings who cared deeply for each other.

The people on the flight. Those who fought back against the terrorists, and steered the flight away from the White House. They knew there wasn’t any hope left for them, but they could’ve saved others, and they did it. They did it, and that, that really restored faith in humanity. I wondered what went through their minds right before the crash. The few men in the cockpit, who probably barely knew each other, with their lives connected in this sudden whirlwind. I always imagined them nodding in silent understanding at each other, and closing their eyes readily for the crash.

I’m rather wordless right now. There’re so many thoughts running through my head, so my writing’s a bit of a mess today. Although in the moment I was there, I didn’t really feel the “sadness overwhelm me” and stuff like that. It was such a serene, peaceful place. Quiet and beautiful. And I felt a sense of calm as I reflected on the lives of these heroic men, of America, and of myself. Definitely the most I made out of Good Friday.

I think, what matters most is that we know how finite life is. I’ve written about this topic in my old blog before, and here it is, in front of me again. Who would’ve imagined that on that day, on a flight back home, two terrorists were about to hijack the plane, and crash it into one of the most famous buildings in the world, and sealing their deaths?

I want to make full use of life. I don’t want anymore unnecessary waiting periods where I’m not doing anything.

There’s so much I had wanted to say in this post. But at the last minute I kinda decided against it. I couldn’t put them down into words anyway. But this city has definitely seen a lot. And I’m real happy to have finally visited this one city. It’s been quite a day.

Hopefully you guys did your share of reflection today on Good Friday. I had mine.

death trap

Note: This is a repost from my old blog. There was a gecko stuck in my window and I got it out. Reminded me of this story. Enjoy!

My mom bought a cockroach trap after I saw a cockroach and freaked out (yes, I’m a pussy for cockroaches).  It’s a simple box, with poisonous yet incredibly tasty food in the middle and an impossibly sticky base. So it’s a double kill. If the cockroach doesn’t get glued, he/she eats the food and dies from bloated symptoms.

What we didn’t foresee was that other creatures might have found it extremely tasty too.

I was up in the morning to take my morning relief in the bathroom, when I saw something inside the trap. Feeling satisfied that a roach had fallen for it, I picked it up. It wasn’t a six-legged pest.

It was a lizard.

Lizards crawl with their bellies and practically every part of their lower body on the floor. So it happened to sniff something delicious and made its way across the glued path.

It was totally stuck, four feet, and belly, and even its poor little head. And still alive. Imagine sitting down on a dinner chair and putting your hands on the dinner table, about to gorge on a beautiful, medium rare steak, and you’re glued to it. Oh, and for some stupid reason, you laid your chin on the table too. Yeah, that’s how the lizard feels. Betrayed.

Me and dad set about trying to free it. It was scared, alright. We could see it’s heart beating like a loaded SMG through its opaque skin. No avail. Mom’s roach killer was flawlessly deadly.

Fortunately, there was one thing we could do. Glue unsticks slightly with water. So dad rushed to get a glass of water. We dipped the cardboard with the lizard into the water(much to the lizard’s displeasure and terror) and slowly tore off the glue.

After a few painstaking minutes, it was finally free, albeit with a few bits of cardboard stuck to its belly. I laughed at my dad.

“It probably thinks we’re trying to torture it before it dies, dad.”  That’s when dad shook his head. And maybe it was the power of the mind, but when we placed the lizard on a nice spot to climb and get on with life, it turned about and stared at us. One eye on one side for me, another eye for dad. Could’ve sworn it was saying thanks with those gecko eyes. It observed us for a few seconds, then left.